Monday Sun
by 0nibaba
Summary: Kendall wakes up with James asleep in his arms.


Dedicated to _**Clarry**_. If you haven' already, you should read her Kendall/James fic called "**Minnesota Wild**", which can be found under the _Rated M_ category.

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**TITLE:** Monday Sun

**DISCLAIMER:** I **DON'T** own **_Big Time Rush._**

**NOTES: **I love that feeling when I wake up in the morning and all of the feelings I bottle up inside start pouring out. I guess when my brain is "_rebooting_" from sleep, all of the barriers that keep my emotions in check are at it's weakest. My true feelings about people, or anything, really do come out. The same also happens whenever I'm intoxicated. (I just turned 21 ^_^) People say alcohol impairs your judgment, but I never feel more honest whenever I've had a few.

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This is a short _one-shot_ from Kendall's POV, waking up in the morning with James after a drunken night.

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_I was afraid this time would come. Here you are... asleep in my arms. I didn't know all it takes for you to give in was three shots of 35.0 proof tequila. The only thing I remember from last night is you crawling into my bed. You told me that you love me. I didn't say it back because I didn't know if it was you or the alcohol talking. You've never even said it before when you were sober... not even back when we were what we used to be._

_I'm furious. Why did it take us so long to see what's already in front of us? Things were just starting to bloom but we decided to nip it in the bud if we were to get signed by Gustavo into Rocque Records. It all ended just like that and I didn't even know how you dealt with it. Did you cry? I did, many times._

_I was lonesome and it only grew worse as the nights go by. I tried my best, you know. I thought dating Jo would help me get you out of my dreams, but my mind refuses. You never speak of it but I know you're hurting just as much as I am, which is why it never worked with all those girls you went out with... especially Sunblock Girl. About that "Hollywood Fever"? Yeah, homesick my ass. I could tell you loved it when I was chasing you around. I know Big Time Rush is important to you, and it's also important to me, but I don't get why we have to go through this nonsense._

_How long are we gonna keep this up? I can't do another photo-shoot with you and feel your fingers tracing up my spine, working it to the back of my neck. You know how much I love it when you do that. I also can't get in the elevator with you without thinking about pushing the 'emergency stop' button so that I can be alone with you a little longer. You may think I've moved on but my heart melts whenever you flash that smile towards me. I may seem perfectly fine but I hope you realize that it's nothing but a facade- a mask that hides all of the bruises and scars. It seems like a small part of me dies every time I see two people kissing... thinking that you and I should be doing the same. I wonder if you have the same thoughts too?_

_My left arm is now completely numb but I wouldn't dare move a muscle to ruin this position anytime soon. Keep on sleeping, James, and you can use me for a pillow as long as you want. Waking up with you in my arms makes me want to shout for joy. I feel like a ship-wrecked sailor ecstatically greeting the sight of an inhabited island after weeks of aimless drifting. I had never felt this secure in my life. The rest of the world could go up in flames right now and I wouldn't give a damn._

_Have you always smelled this way? Despite the faint odors of the tequila, hairspray, and the 'Cuda, I could still smell 'you'. Hundreds of thousands of the most expensive cologne and perfume in the universe are failures compared to the disarming power and beauty of your scent. Being this close to you makes me hot with rapture, weak in the knees, and anxious as a child. It's like I'm caught in a riptide that I just couldn't resist, not that I wanted to resist, because what that tide was pulling is my own free will... dragging it dangerously closer and closer to you. You will open those soulful, hazel eyes very soon and walk away from my arms. The thought alone makes me tremble with fear._

_When you wake up, I want you to say "I love you" to me once again, and I will not hesitate to say "I love you too"._

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Dawn is breaking and the first beam of Monday sun is now gently caressing the two boys. Kendall closed his eyes - not to go back to sleep, but so that he could surrender himself completely to the pure bliss of this blessed moment with James.

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**Sorry if it's sloppy. **

**Thank you very much for reading!**


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